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LiveJournal for Miss B. Haive. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Memories. You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.

Sunday, May 11th, 2008

Subject: What The Hell Is Going On Today? Time: 10:40 pm. Mood: confused.

Something is in the air today and I have no idea what it is. The reason I say that is because I don't usually have random men approach me and rap to me when I'm in my scrubs and I just got out of the hospital after a long 12.5 hour shift because I'm not a pretty sight. My hair is rumpled from the hideous lovely masks I wear when I'm on the isolation side or when I need a barrier between my nose and whatever it is I'm smelling. My eyeliner has either come off completely because I've rubbed my eyelids throughout the day (my eyes are really irritated whenever I'm at work and only at work. I'd say I'm allergic to work but what I think it's actually the reverse air thingy that blows air out from my unit into stairway) or I've smudged the eyeliner around my eyes in an accidental smoky eye look. Totally unintentional. Usually the whole smoky-come-hither eyeliner thing is pretty hot but when I'm at work and it smudges, I actually end up achieving the Tired Panda look. So sexy am I. Most people either cut a wide berth around me but today was like a day spent in the Twilight Zone. I went to the supermarket to pick up some toothpaste and milk. On my way in, I notice these two tall, gangly looking boys and boxes of candy beside them. Whatever. I was on the phone with my mom and telling her about Zetta Kareshi so they didn't bother me. However, totally different story on my way out. I had no cell phone to deflect conversation but usually the iPod buds in my ears usually deters people from engaging in random conversation with me....that is, except for HighSchoolBoy. He blocks my exit and asks me if I'd like to buy candy for their school fund raiser. They're trying to buy new basketball uniforms. Anyone who knows me at work will know that I happily give money to anything involving school activities and children. I put my groceries down and ask them where they go to school. He said some school in San Bernadino. Uh....what? Sounds fishy but I remember something my dad told me a long time ago. He said that he never feels like he's being conned whenever people approach him for money if they have a good cause. His reasoning was that his intention for parting with his money is genuine because it reflects his desire to help those who are in need. He told me that what they do with that money is up to them and if they end up buying drugs/alcohol/whatever with it is between them and their God. What goes around comes around so may their God help them if they deceived him. I feel the same way. I ended up giving them the few loose dollar bills I had in my money clip and declined their candy because I don't eat much of it anyway so it'd just go to waste. He thanks me and then says "You have the most beautiful eyes. That's what attracted me to you the moment I saw you walk in while you were on the phone". Um. Okay. He must find exhausted pandas dead sexy. He then asks me if I have children and if I do, he wished me a happy mother's day. I said I have no kids. He then asks me if I have a husband. Like an idiot, I said no. At this point, I'm busy trying to figure out when and how did this become a Let's Pick Up Bonnie moment. He asks me if I have a boyfriend so I totally lied and said "yes". He said that he hopes my man takes good care of me because a woman like me deserves it. Okaaaaaay. It is beyond time to go. As I'm walking away, he calls after me "Miss, I'd sure love to give you a hug right now. Would that be wrong of me and too much to ask"? I don't think I've ever walked away from high school boys so fast before in my life. Is it just me or are they getting ballsier and ballsier? I decide to put some gas in my car. I no longer go to a particular gas station in my area because one of the attendants would always ask me out for dinner and comment that it is strange to see a young lady like me alone all the time. I felt like I had just sprouted a second head because apparently being single equals there is something wrong with me. I go to the gas station close by my house. Usually the guys there don't say anything to me besides "How much would you like" and "Debit or credit"? Tonight, though, was not like all the other days, Tonight, the usually quiet man lingered over my transaction and starts asking me where I work, if I just got off work (I wanted to say "No. I just like dressing this way all the time. Makes me feel uber hawt like FIYAH!!!" but I decided not to. Mama taught me to be polite....and I am. Most of the time), where I live and if I have a boyfriend because he never sees me with a man whenever I stop by. I honestly don't know what to say. Am I just especially appealing today in my rumpled, hospital issued scrubs? Are my Tired Panda eyes and bedraggled hair extra inviting tonight? What is it because I am beyond mystified. Oh. You know what it is? I figured it out. It has to be the resistant acinetobactor from my patients on the isolation side. That's gotta be it. I mean, my patients, once exposed to this particular organism, can't seem to resist the onslaught of these particular germies so maybe these people can't either. Poor things. They didn't stand a chance.

Comments: 10 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: Se7en Time: 6:42 pm.

So I decided I wanted to see Se7en at Highlands yesterday. Never mind that I don't know any of his songs. Never mind I have no clue what the dude looks like. I didn't care about any of that. Why? I just wanted to see him and Three Six Mafia. Holy. Crap. I have never seen so many Asian people in one place before (besides the Motherlands) and I usually go to Asian parties. It was sheer madness. Genie made the very astute observation of calling it Disneyland because it was. Thankfully she figured out paulk and caffeineguy were going to so we all went in together. Seriously, if it weren't for them, we prolly wouldn't have gotten in for a long ass time because there were that many people. Once inside, it was tons of fun. We ran around Highlands and I liked it a lot better this time. The music was good and the bartenders were friendly. Three Six Mafia did my favorite song ("Stay Fly") and then Se7en came on. He's actually pretty good. Not bad at all. I have video footage but I can't seem to figure out how to upload it onto my computer. And then the 3 of us girls got separated from the boys so we decided to go hunt for a noraebang with food and more liquor. I think we hit up all the places in Ktown before we finally found the most ghetto-est one of all. But hell, it worked out because the food was KICK ASS and we were all very entertained. BabyBoy (he was only 22) made a valiant effort on all the songs, I found out Genie can rap, Shin2 has a really pretty singing voice...and the boys really didn't do much except attempt to dance. That was pretty funny. We split up into groups and were competing with each other. For some reason, the theme was songs from Disney cartoons. My partner and I had "Lion King", Shin2 and her partner had "Aladdin", Genie and her partner had "Beauty And The Beast". I had a great time. I got to meet new friends, see old friends and did team Karaoke for the first time. I got home at 5:15. Crazy good times. :)

Comments: 4 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: Shot At Love 2 :: My Ex-Boyfriend's Little Brother Time: 8:31 pm. Mood: amused.

First it was Quinnie going into modeling...and now this. My high school boyfriend's little brother is on Shot At Love 2. What. The. Hell. It was weird enough to see him plastered all over the walls as Kramer's Man Of The Year when I was still in high school but now this? This is Kyle Smigielski, the little brother of my high school boyfriend. Holy crap, he's starting to look more and more like his brother. Yup, definitely looking more like his brother. Uggghh.... This is very very weird since I used to know him and he's not the kind of person to go on this show. Then again, I used to know him when I was in high school so he could've changed since then. I don't know if I want to watch this because um....dude....that's like looking at my little cousin's semi-nekkid modeling photos. And supposedly he kisses her in the first episode. Omg...I'm actually happy I dont have cable.

Comments: 16 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: Adventures In Nursing :: A Day In My Shoes Time: 11:44 pm. Mood: exhausted.

What I'm perceived to be when people see me and I tell them I'm a nurse. No no no. Down, boy. Bad boy. Don't make me show you what I can do at work. It's not pretty and I'm sure you won't enjoy it at all. God, my feet hurt. I think it's time for new work shoes. I've been wearing the same pair of Dansko clogs for .... hm ... oh wow. It's been almost 3 years now. WHAT THE HELL?! Has it been that long?! Good God...where did all the time go? So yeah. Definitely time for new shoes, man. I noticed this problem because my shoes are scuffed to hell and back from kicking/running into apparently just about anything and everything. I'm a graceful butterfly. Oh yeah. I'm thinking of investing in a good pair of walking shoes but here's the problem I face. Due to the nature of my work, where I work and what I do when I'm at work, I tend to look like I just emerged victorious from a very long, drawn out and bloody battle in which I massacred an entire village. It took me about 2 hours to do a dressing change today in the ICU because iMama and I painted the town red on my patient. We dug out every single stable from my patient and when we were done, I swear you can make a 6 pack of soda out of all the metal from the liberated staples. Would it be weird if I said I actually like doing this? Sounds sick, I know....but I love it. I'm also really good at it. Hey, man. Practice makes perfect. Haa haa haa! It takes a special person who works where I do. I say "special" because "sick and demented" just doesn't sound nice at all. We're the ones who aren't grossed out by anything, like to peel sunburns, pop zits and find all things enGROSSing. :D So now my patient has no more staples remaining. I know because I felt really carefully. I get paid to feel people up in a non skebe way. Btw, that means "perverted" in Japanese. That's Ham Sup to all you people who speak Cantonese. Sorry, I don't know how to say it in Mandarin which is really weird because that's my first language. I also don't know how to say it in Korean because ...well....I'm not Korean no matter how much people seem to think I am. What was I saying? Oh yeah. So after I emerged victorious with iMama from the epic battle of a dressing change, the sleeves and front of my waterproof gown was more or less covered with blood. I looked like a butcher. Hm. Not a very good mental image of me but whatever. So. Given that work oftentimes requires me to be covered in bodily fluids, I am rather concerned about wearing anything but clogs. Must think about this some more. One of our long time peoples finally left HomeBase. He's cool as hell and super funny...but I get the weirdest feeling like his brothers are hitting on us. I don't know if they're just really friendly but they both liked to either invade my personal space or tell me how pretty I am. I'm flattered.....but also a wee bit disturbed. One of them wants to practice his Mandarin with me. Um....no. And then he wants to work on learning Japanese too. Uh....no. Besides, my Japanese sucks now. And even if it didn't....yeah, no. They want photos of me and I didn't know what to say except "Ha ha, I gotta go".

Comments: 8 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: What I've Learned So Far Time: 12:36 am. Mood: cheerful.

Please Click Here And Vote For My Cousin/Little Brother For Ford's New Male Model. Thank you. :: Things I've Learned So Far This Year :: - I'm addicted to pain because I love Pilates - I'm also addicted to Texas Hold 'Em. - I've learned to not think too much about anything and just letting things be without getting all "crazy Scorpio" as my beloved sister likes to call me - I'm an insomniac - I can't function in the morning even with coffee - it is possible to become immune to coffee - It is also possible to feel my heart skip beats when I have too much caffeine - I can't do any drugs (thank God) because the active ingredient in Sudafed will get me high. I know. Shut up. - I really really really like taking mini vacations by myself - It's amazing how a game that is a lot like the old school Gang Warz can teach me about business and now to run one. I'm currently addicted to Mob Wars. Shut up. - I apparently provide a lot of entertainment for my friends ( * ahem * , tryabreathmint) when I go out - a bottle of wine doesn't do anything to me if I drink it in one sitting. Two bottles, however, results in a fuzzy memory - I have way too much fun cooking at home - I am useless when it comes to fixing things around the house which means I have to call up Tiana and get her brother to talk me through it even though they're hundreds of miles away from me - I have mellowed out a lot from my early 20's - It is possible for me to not only blush but I can apparently also turn beet red - People have the weirdest habit of popping back into my life when I least expect it I like my hair color like this. When I was blonder. - I have hair color A.D.D. because I keep changing it every month. However, my hair is starting to fry and I'd rather it not fall out, mmkaythxbye. - I don't like being blonde. I prefer having dark hair. - I have no shame in the karaoke joints when drinking - I have finally accepted the fact that I daydream a lot. - I've finally figured out that I like love myself. - I still like shaking what my momma gave me when I go out. - I also still like ghetto songs. - I also like classical Japanese koto music in addition to classical music. - I still can't dance like a raver even though I love trance. :D

Comments: 31 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: One Word Quiz Time: 10:17 pm.

Per successdriven You can only type one word 1. Where is your cell phone? pocket 2. Your significant other? unmet 3. Your hair? awesome 4. Your mother? awesome 5. Your father? awesome 6. Your favorite thing? innumerable 7. Your dream last night? sexy 8. Your favorite drink? Tea 9. Your dream/goal? Achievable 10. The room you're in? Office 11. Your hobby? Wonderful 12. Your fear? Failure 13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Free 14. Where were you last night? Out 15. What you're not? Disloyal 16. Muffins? Sometimes 17. One of your wish list items? Eternity 18. Where you grew up? Everywhere 19. The last thing you did? Cry 20. What are you wearing? Bikini 21. Your pets? None 22. Your TV? Off 23. Your computer? ClydeMacBook 24. Your life? Mine 25. Your mood? Indiscernible 26. Missing someone? Yes 27. Your car? BMW 28. Something you're not wearing? Clothes 29. Favorite store? Grocery 30. Your summer? Planned 31. Like someone? Perhaps 32. Your favorite color? Black 33. When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday 34. Last time you cried? Tonight 35. Who will do this? Unsure

Comments: 6 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: One Last Night Of Debauchery Time: 4:00 pm. Mood: tired.

This is where we went last night. Oh. Em. Gee. Craziness. So last night was PharmCat's last official night out as an unmarried woman. Good times. The night started off at Hollywood Men. I've come to the conclusion that women are freaking animals, man. You stick a hot, oiled up man on that stage, give him rip away clothing, let him strut his stuff, flex some muscles and gyrate for a few minutes in front of a bunch of women and they go completely nuts. When the boys got off stage to work the crowd (literally and figuratively), I ended up sitting on top of the table so that I wouldn't be crushed underneath the stampede of crazed women waving fistfuls of bills in various denominations. I'm not joking. These women were shoving me and my friends aside so that they could get a piece of the beef cake closest to us. Holy. Good. God. This is HotWhiteBoy. My friends fell in love this one. ..yeah, not too hard to figure out why. Haa haa haa! Not to say I didn't appreciate the eye candy because I totally did. There were two in particular. HotWhiteBoy (which is weird because I usually don't dig white boys) and HotCopDude. HotWhiteBoy was quite a sight to behold but HotCopDude....I swear, I turned so red when he was on that stage. When that cop shirt came off and he slooooooowly ripped off that white wife beater...wow. And then he looked at me when swiveling that chiseled body around....damn....and then he threw his shirt at me. A sea immediately formed from all the other women's hands in the crowd around me but that ripped shirt flew right towards me. I caught it out of reflex. Nice. My sister thinks I should go buy a lottery ticket now. Haa haa haa! Oh yeah. HotCopDude is the guy in the picture for his post. According to their site, his name is Marcus but I think I'm going to keep calling him HotCopDude. Haa haa haa! This is HotCopDude. Good lord. You know, I almost felt bad for those boys because they were literally like pieces of meat being paraded out in front of starving she-lions...which would make them lionesses if you really want to be grammatically correct. They were being man handled as they were man handling the women in the room, their butts were being grabbed by other females eager to get their hands on muscles while they were straddling another woman as they went diving for dollars. Poor things. But the highlight of the night besides sticking dollars into PharmCat's shirt for the hot boys to get? Seeing an 86 year old grandma get a lap dance on stage by HotCowboyDude. Funny how a man can instantly look uber hawt with a cowboy hat on. Kind of how like men just look automatically better to me with a baseball cap on or when they wear a suit. I don't know why that is. Hm. Anyway, moving on. The kicker was when she happily assumed the doggy style position and grabbed his hand to spank her. Oh yes. Grandma got down and I was still sitting my ass in my own chair. Grandma's got bigger balls than I do and I'm not too proud to admit that. Haa haa haa! And then I went to Highlands for the first time. That's right. I was like a virgin clubbing at Highlands for the very first time. I have to say it was very interesting. Mixed crowd and music from the late 90's to early 2000's. Not what I'm used to but whatever. The Hollywood Men went to party it up after they were done with work but strangely enough they weren't as good looking with their normal clothes on. How weird. One of them told one of the girls "Hey, I remember your friend" but I have no idea which one he was because I didn't recognize him in normal clothes. I noticed he had really prickly arms when I standing next to him while we were all chatting and it wasn't until I was driving home did I realize that he had to shave his arms to give the illusion of being hairless. Weeeiiirrrrrdddd. There was this one chick that was a bachelorette that I really wanted to stomp on. She kept waving her gauze veil thing around and whipping that shit around like she was a Bollywood star or something. It kept hitting my face and my friends' faces. I swear, I wanted to rip that thing out of her hands and gag her with it. So fucking annoying...but all I could hear in my head was "DON'T LOSE YOUR LICENSE OVER SOMETHING SO STUPID!!" Aaarrgghh.... * sigh * Overall, it was a nice change of scenery. It was also nice to meet new girl friends and to also hang out with my girls from work in normal clothes and not scrubs. It was an awesome night. My feet totally hurt today but all in all, it was worth it to send PharmCat off into the Land Of The Married People.

Comments: 18 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: Flashback Time: 2:43 pm. Mood: nostalgic.

I have no idea what the hell triggered it...oh wait. I remember. It was listening to Jon B's "Someone To Love" that got me thinking about the days when I was really young and had absolutely no fear. Those were the days when I had my beloved car. Clyde #1.5 was a 1999 Honda Civic EX coupe in Silver. God, I loved that car. To this day, that is the only car that ever wore his plates. I still remember the plate numbers. GYG 989. What's funnier is that the car with the plates GYG 988 was ALSO a '99 Civic coupe in Silver. I think it was also an EX model. I remembered how carefree I was driving around Honolulu in that car. I didn't give a fuck about anyone or anything. I went where I wanted and where I wanted. If people gave me dirty looks, they knew where to find me. All those nights of living in pool halls before I finally started working in one, all those nights Shoopy and I drove our cars down into the semi private beach and we'd comfort each other because the boys we were dating were being complete asses. I remember our drug of choice was li hing spiked tequila and we'd listen to the station I lovingly dubbed "The Suicide Station" because all those sappy love songs could more or less drive a person to complete an act of suicide if they were teetering on that razor edge. I was a special girl. I remember clubbing like it was a full time job. How the hell I managed to go to school also is beyond me. Oh wait. That's right. I never really made it to class after the 2nd semester. Hm. How the hell did I make it to class those first 2 semesters is beyond me. I think they only reason I went to class was to hit up the pool hall on campus. I never really did anything productive. And the way I dressed! Omg...what the hell was I thinking... My pants were always baggy and barely hanging on to my hips, my shirts were always tight and microscopic. My hair was past my waist and stick straight. Heavy eye liner, really light lipgloss or super dark lipstick....oh lord. x) I looked like the kind of girls I now tell my brother to stay away from and not to date. Greeeaaaat. Those were the days and nights of Studio B, tricked out pagers, pager codes and never ending nights. Listening to these songs reminds me of when I used to walk the UH campus and browsing through the selection of mixed CDs they had for sale in the quad. In a weird way, I miss those days but I am happy I am able to go back to revisit them via song.

Subject: Once Upon An Awakened Dream Time: 2:57 pm. Mood: peaceful.

I hear your voice calling out to reach me Then all is calm and clear I feel no pain when you hold me Pull me in and draw me near I see your eyes of hazy blue But oh so clear, sincere and true I taste the air around you And I feel brand new, new, new, new This morning, I woke up at an ungodly hour of 8:00 to drive to the West Side. I had an overwhelming urge to see the sea. I drove through a fine haze of the silkiest gray fog and lost myself in its folds as I walked along the ribbon that bordered her rippling body. Brisk was the breeze flowing off of her that touched my face and upon my lips was the faintest taste of her salty perfume. Come fill my senses up with you You've turned the jaded into new Come fill my senses up with you Love would be senseless without you Come fill my senses up with you You, you, you, you, you, you She was as gray as the sky above. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't distinguish the line that delineated where she ended and where he began. To my eye, it really looked like the two sentient bodies were merged seamlessly with the other. The sky had his serpentine coils of the fog that claimed the space above the undulating movements of the sea below. What brought a smile to my face was the sudden playing of this song as I watched this timeless dance unfold before me. So entranced was I by this courtship that I completely lost track of the hours that slipped past me unnoticed. There was a time when love was blind Love lost and all at sea Love came in dreams and waves Came and went away from me All forsaken All forlorn All mistaken Feel no scorn And then you pulled me from the darkness And I see things new, new, new, new Two thoughts hunted and circled each other ceaselessly in my mind as I sat alone at my table and sipped upon my glass of perfectly chilled white wine. The first was how happy I am to finally be by the sea for I have missed her terribly. She always brings me peace no matter how temperamental or lucid she might be at the moment. Come fill my senses up with you You've turned the jaded into new Come fill my senses up with you Love would be senseless without you Come fill my senses up with you You, you, you, you, you, you The second thought I had will have to remain a secret as it simply would not do to expose all the hidden thoughts I had while observing the union of sky and sea on this day when the sun was cloaked and the world was enveloped in the softest shades of stormy blue and gray.

Comments: Sip A Martini.

Subject: Adventures In Nursing :: My Little Ones Time: 12:01 pm. Mood: peaceful.

I can remember almost all the little ones I've cared for over the years I've been in HomeBase. You know what's funny? I noticed that all the baby girls I've carried would reach straight for the diamonds I wear in my hair or the diamond around my neck. The baby boys I carried around? They would go straight for my boobs and wind their chubby little fingers through my hair. Yup. No joke. I'm not kidding. I remember the Mamacita, the spunky little girl who was there when I first started working and somehow managed to pimp me into making her Barbie a brand new dress, 2 purses, boots, make Barbie's hair pretty and accessories within 4 minutes flat. I had nothing to work with except strips ripped from the gowns, netting and stickers but DAMN, I made some masterpieces that day. Dude, whatever it took to get her to stop crying. She even managed to wrangle me into doing her hair. Yup. A little 6 year old girl pimped me that hard. She was quite the spunky little one. I remember LittleMama. She was there for a while...and she was the bravest girl I've ever met. I remember how much she LOVED Dr.KimChi. She used to ask me to call him all the time because she wanted to see him so I hunted down his pager number from the old list of resident numbers, paged him, waited for him to call back and tell him that I know he's not on our service anymore but if he's on call, could he please just come up to visit her because she keeps asking about him and when he's going to come see her. He was such a good sport and he did come up to visit her more than once if I remember correctly. I remember there was a time when Mamacita and LittleMama were roommates and we would get DOWN in the physical therapy room. I made them little pareos out of the sheets and then I taught them how to dance hula and how to shake it like a Tahitian dancer. Freaking awesome. They were so cute. I remember BabyGirl. She was so cute...she was just a baby but she never smiled. I remember walking up and down the halls with her all day because she would cry if I put her down, even if she was sleeping. I remember logging countless miles every day at work with her in my arms and singing the Chinese song my mom used to sing to me when I was little. That's how she used to fall asleep during our walks. I remember how she never smiled until the very last day she was in HomeBase. That was the day she got to go home. I was waiting for her mom to show up and I was taking my last walk with her. That day I was wearing my sparkling Dior lipgloss and I was singing to her again. She always looked at my lips when I sang but she did something different on that last day with me. She reached up to pat my lips and she smiled when the sun caught the sparkles from my lipgloss. That was the only day I ever saw BabyGirl smile. I remember TheSiblings. Omg, they drove me crazy at one point but in the end, I couldn't bear to see them go. We would hold hands and skip down the halls because that was how I tricked them into doing physical therapy. I would then bribe them with playing on the computer but they had to walk properly in order to use it. I remember how they climbed on my lap and I thought my legs were going to break because I'm not used to having kids climb on me like I'm some kind of crazy Asian jungle gym. I remember LittleMan. Omg, he was so cute!!! We all fell in love with him and we all called him our little boyfriend. He was the cutest little guy I've ever seen. I would tell his mom to go get something to eat from the cafeteria every day but I noticed she would never go because she didn't want to leave him so I happily volunteered to play with him. I would carry him around the entire time she was gone or I would be pulling him along in the little red wagon up and down the halls. After a while, even if he wasn't my patient for the day, she would come find me and ask me if I could watch him while she ran home to take a quick shower or grabbed a bite to eat. No problemo. I adored him and I know he is in good hands at home. She is a great mother. I remember iPodGirl. Oh. My. God. This little sassy thing was bopping along to Pitbull, Gemini and NB Ridaz. When PattiCake and I were changing her linens, she stuck one of the earbuds into my ear and we grooved to a remake of some song that I can't remember now. I think she thought I was nuts because I started dancing right there at bedside to NB Ridaz's "Pretty Girl". I love that song. iPodGirl does too. Haa haa haa! I remember when she came back for a clinic visit. She gave me a big hug, chattered about how she was going shopping to buy new shoes and I made her promise me she was going to get me a pair of stiletto heels. She was like "DEAL!" right before she stuck her earbud into my ear again. I listened to some Latin hip hop. I understood absolutely nothing except "mami", "papi", "amore" and....yeah, I think that was it. Haa haa haa! She had to translate everything for me and then I was like "OMG, DOES YOUR MOM KNOW YOU'RE LISTENING TO STUFF LIKE THIS??!!" But I will never never forget MeiMei. For all you people who don't speak Mandarin Chinese, that means "Little sister". She called me her Jie Jie ("Big Sister"). She would rarely cry when I had to change her dressings and she would always feel better with a big hug. Her first night there, she asked me if I would read her a bedtime story before she went to bed. It broke my heart to tell her I only work during the day but how about if I read her a story now? So we got her settled down in bed and I read her the story of how the Jester Lost His Jingle. We would play Chutes And Ladders and she beat me every time! I remember how she would cry because she thought she would be ugly from her wounds. I told her to look carefully at my face. She didn't understand what I was telling her to do. I told to look carefully and if she could see anything out of the ordinary with my face. She said no so I told her that when I was just a little older than her, I burned off my face too in an accident but now no one can tell unless I tell them. She felt better and told her mother that she wasn't going to be a Tso Ba Guai ("Ugly Monster") anymore because Jie Jie got better too. Cinderella was in house for a little while when MeiMei was still there. I remember how proud I was of both of them when I saw MeiMei lead Cinderella by the hand to the hydro room. I knelt down to hear what they were saying to each other. Cinderella was scared but MeiMei told her "It'll be okay. I got used to it. It only hurts for a little bit but if Bonnie, my Jie Jie, cleans you up, it won't hurt at all! She never makes me cry and she'll even read you stories too!" I didn't get to see MeiMei off because I had that day off. I remember she asked me where I live and I told her. She thought about it for a while and then said "So if I wanted to visit you, I'll have to take the freeway". My Mei Mei is so smart. I remember I made her wince the day I admitted her because I had to clean her wounds really well. I told her everything I was going to do before I did it so she wouldn't be afraid and she wasn't. After I finished, I asked her if it was really bad and she said "No. It just hurt a little bit" so I asked her if she would forgive me and if she would still be my friend. She looked up at me so solemnly and said "Yes, Jie Jie. I will still be your friend". I miss all my little munchkins. They drove me up the wall sometimes but when I see them go, I'm sad because I will miss them but I am so happy because that means they are better. I hope I never see them again in HomeBase unless it's because they're visiting. Sometimes I wonder if the really little ones will remember me singing to them the same melody my mother sang to me when they sleep.

Comments: 4 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: The Kind Of Pain I Like Time: 11:43 pm. Mood: bouncy.

Oooh yeah. My FOBuliciousness is in full effect. I decided that the best revenge is one in which I feel happy and (even better) I look fine. So. That means I've started to work out again. Granted, I can't go buck wild like I used to due to the back injury that still hasn't gone away but I work with what I got. And that means Pilates. Holy. Shit. Who knew pulleys and straps and padded benches can whoop my ass that bad? ...on second thought, what I just described sounds strangely like either some weird medieval torture device or the tools of what I joke around as my second trade. In case you guys don't know, I jokingly say that the skills I've picked up from my day job can earn me the title of "Mistress" should I decide to moonlight. * ahem * Moving on. PARTY LIKE A * wannabe * ROCKSTAR!!! I've been going to Pilates. I've been stomping on the treadmill again but above all, I've started to dance again. I had forgotten how that kept me in killer shape all those years. In a weird way, it's a good thing that there are things I will always do well. Muahahaha! Me and Mr.475 aka Boy-I-Bought-In-A-Drunken-Haze-During-A-Charity-Auction And now we're all friends. Life is crazy like that. Holy crap, I can feel muscles burning I had forgotten I had. My abs are on fire, my arms feel like jello and my legs feel like mush. Freaking AWESOME! I know the chances that I will have the body I had when I was competing is very very slim but dude. I'll be happy if I return to the body from 2 years ago....wait, that was close to what I had when I was competing. Hm. So it's do-able. Freaking rock on. ...like in a karaoke room in Ktown. Good friend(s) + Good music (caterwauling like fiends counts too) = Good times!

Comments: 16 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: Retail Therapy Time: 2:32 pm. Mood: happy.

So I decided I want to go shopping. This is the dress I want. How hawt is this Miss Sixty dress??! And to think I want it in this color and not black. The only problem? I can't raise my arms wearing it. Otherwise the bootay will be all "Peek-a-Boo"! I want it I want it I want it! I also go this shirt :: How freaking awesome is this! No, I didn't personalize it. I don't know where I'm going for St. Paddy's day but I'm wearing this shirt that day! Okay, that is all for now. :)

Comments: 14 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: Last Lecture Time: 10:15 pm.

Thanks, tryabreathmint. I've watched it a few times already and it has become one of my favorite things to watch. I have a feeling I'm going to revisit this one time and time again. God must want you back so soon because you are truly an Angel. Heaven bless.

Subject: Kollaboration 8 Time: 5:24 pm. Mood: impressed.

Crazy good times. elitegoddess busted some ninja-fu and scored us tickets to the show last night. I thought it was friggin' amazing to see all the talented Asians who came out and showed us what they got. I love what PK does for the community by giving them a venue to be heard. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. There were so many talented singers and dancers...I wish I could sing and dance like that, man. The energy was crazy and then Colby performed. Nice!! I really like Roscoe Umali. He was crazy good. So much fun. I love going to shows like these and supporting not only aspiring artists but those who share my Asian heritage. It was such a beautiful thing. I might not be an entertainer but seeing what he does for the Asian community all across the nation makes me want to do something too. At the after party, I congratulated him on another crazy good show and he was like "Dude, you made it!". Hell yeah! Freaking awesome. I told him I wanted to help out the next time any way I can since he made me the Asian Mafia officer and he cracked up. I don't know if he remembers saying this today but he was like "Dude, not to say this is why you should come be part of the staff but uh....a lot of people meet their husband/wife while being a part of the family. Like, I'll hold their babies after they get married and I'm like 'Dude....I helped make you'. Haa haa haa!" Nice! On a creepy note, why is it that black men like to come up to me and ask me if I've ever dated black? I didn't know you could date a color. What the fuck. Is this supposed to be your selling point, Mr. Hi-The-Chains-Around-My-Neck-Are-From-The-Cracker-Jack-Box? Come on. Seriously. Or was I supposed to melt when you grabbed my ass and told me that I have a rockin' body? Because, you know, I love it when random creepy men do that to me. No, really. I also get really turned on when you ask me where my man is and I say Clyde is at home only to have to say in return "Oh, so he lets you out of the house?". I was really tempted to say that yes, I date black since Clyde (my MacBook) is the black one and he's the closest thing I have to a boyfriend right now but somehow I didn't think that was a good idea so I did the next best thing. I grabbed elitegoddess and skipped over to where nakachan was on the other side of the room. Other than that little bump, the after party at Tangiers was crazy good fun. And then it was time for some crazy Karaoke at Rosen. Holy crap...that was hilarious good fun. I think I'm a little hoarse today. I'm still tired. God, I'm getting old. Haa haa haa!!

Comments: 8 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: Valentine's Day :: Rhyme And Reason Time: 2:58 pm. Mood: mellow.

I want to be the Rhyme in your Reason. I want you to be the Reason in my Rhyme. I want to be the Reason why you have a Rhyme. I want you to be the Reason for my Rhyme. True, the world can exist without the presence of the one or the other but think of what the world would be. A world devoid of Rhyme would be one that is too stark to live in and one in which all that is lovely and beautiful could not survive. There would be no joy to add sparkle to the dreary day. There would be no cause for wonder to brighten up even the grayest days. A world in which Reason is absent would be one where all that is lovely and pleasing to the senses would run rampant in riotous chaos and wanton abandon. In such a world, what was once beautiful would because a twisted, gnarled and ugly shadow of what it was meant to be because there was nothing to guide it, shape it and give it a purpose to exist. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this but I live in the space between the lines. All I know is that I want to be the Rhyme in your Reason. I want you to be the Reason in my Rhyme. I want to be the Reason why you have a Rhyme. I want you to be the Reason for my Rhyme.

Comments: 4 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: Personal Style Time: 9:23 pm. Mood: amused.

So I went to dinner with tryabreathmint, xrysalis and MsCrunchyRoll. While we were waiting for our friends, we had a discussion about clothes and our personal style. I have no idea what my personal style since I'm happy as long as my clothes fit, are clean, color coordinate and is appropriate for the occasion. I asked her why. She said she asked a friend of our to describe our sense of style. She has the "artistic grunge" thing going on so that prompted me to hop up and down in my seat while squealing "Oh oh oh!! What did he say about me?!" Really mature of me, I know. So she cracks up and says "He said that you know how to market yourself really well...and I totally agree with him!" I have no idea what that means. I asked her to clarify. She said that he noticed that I am very comfortable with my body and being in my own skin which translates into me apparently being able to market myself. Okay....I get the "being comfortable within my own skin" and stuff but explain to me how this translates into marketing myself. What exactly am I marketing and to whom is this directed towards? I'm happily flattered and just a little confused regarding his observation considering half the time I go anywhere, I'm calling all my friends to see what they're wearing so that I know if I'm dressing for the occasion or not. The other half of the time will show me running around my room trying to figure out what the hell I have and what might possibly look good together. It's a huge production dressing myself, lemme tell ya. :D Confused am I. :D But that's all good since I give off this vibe of being uber confident and self contained. Yes! The inner dork has been sufficiently suppressed until I can bring her out and really freak some people out. Kidding. Kind of. Rock on!

Comments: 4 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

Subject: Chica Needs To Take A Chill Pill Time: 11:12 pm. Mood: amused.

I went to a birthday party in Burbank yesterday. It was AbbyNormal's bday. It was waaaaay too crowded and I don't deal well with being stuffed in a stuffy space and surrounded by absolute strangers while my ears are being accosted by the horrendous caterwauling from the "singer" on stage who also happens to be rude and uncouth. To top it all off, he kept telling/making obnoxious jokes and comments. He thought he was funny. Oh poor and disillusioned boy. I tolerated being there for about 45 minutes before I left. I did have a good time chilling with PattiCake, AnaB and Mr.PattiCake though. :) After that, I drove all the way to Santa Monica for Hobbes's party. I haven't seen her in a while and every time she invites me to her new home, I've been unable to make it. I feel like a bad friend so yesterday I made sure I went. I knew no one there (except Mr.iAm who knows me but I can't for the life of me remember where I met him. Must've been when I was still bartending. I think. Actually, I've no idea) besides Hobbes and Mr.Hobbes. I made myself chat with people and mingle (sort of....like in a half assed way....but compare to what I normally do, this was like a Herculean effort, man) because these are people who mean something to Hobbes so for her I will make a mighty effort. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but I had the most fun after everyone left and we sat outside in the freezing cold until 4 in the morning just talking. I've missed her. I also think I'm getting sick again. What. The. F*ck. I realized I can talk to complete strangers if I have to. The weirdest part of the night was with Raja. Coming in to her home, one of the first people Mr.Hobbes introduced me to was Raja. I could smell his girlfriend on him. Sometimes, you just know. Anyway, so I meet the girlfriend also and received a chilly response. Whatever. I don't care. So we're all getting ready to play poker and he jumps in. I was sitting next to Mr.iAm and Raja squeezed his way in. Dude, there's like....6 feet to my right. I don't know why he had to squeeze in there and literally be in my lap and Mr.iAm's lap at the same time. Whatever. So we're playing, talking shit and blah blah blah. I dunno. He's getting uncomfortably close and I'm like "whoa". At the end of the night, I'm checking my phone, he comes finds me and starts chatting me up. Again, I'm fine with conversing with total strangers that know my friends and he's really fun to talk to but I could not shake the feeling that his girlfriend was not pleased. He's standing waaaaay into my comfort zone and stares at me while I'm talking as if I'm the most interesting person he's ever talked to. His girlfriend comes up to him while we're talking and says "We're leaving in 20 minutes", glances at me and walks away. Omg. Wtf. He goes "sure" and keeps oooon talking to me. I seriously don't get women sometime because I'm not out to steal your man, freak. God. Calm the f*ck down! So that concludes the weird part of my night. This is the funniest part of my night. One of the first things Hobbes said to me when I walked out of my car was "AAAAGGGHH!!! YOU FINALLY MADE IT!!! Whoa, your hair is really light now. I like it! But can I tell you that I love your hair when it's darker?" I thought about it and admitted that I like my hair darker too. I went this light because I wanted to have gold in my hair for Chinese New Year. Haa haa haa!! Actually, it's more of a chestnut/caramel with blond streaks...and it's getting lighter every day. Omg. So before I could even ask her why she prefers my hair darker, she says "I like it light like this but honestly, I like it darker because while you still have the look now, you're totally more Stuck Up Asian Bitch with the darker hair. That's always been your thing and it's weird you can still do it now but your darker haired look goes so much better with your Asian bitch thing". Haa haa haa!!! Omg, I love her.

Comments: 2 Martinis - Sip A Martini.

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